Zen and the Art of Mercenary Maintenance
by SpaceAnJL
Summary: Honesty has a price. People have a limit. And everybody has their own path to walk.
1. Zen and the Art of Mercenary Maintenance

_Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, blah, blah..._

_Post AG,AP. Mostly canon, but Serenity now has a cook. More of a character piece at the moment, while I plot out a bigger arc. _

Zen and the Art of Mercenary Maintenance

Inara doesn't even have to work on her smile, now. It stays in place, natural, gracious, accepting and forgiving.

Life is ordered, calm, tranquil.

Dull.

She looks at the serried rows of hopeful faces on her screen. Too old, too young, too bald, too clean…

Her final choice is…a man, not a boy, with thick brown hair and a wry smile and roguish blue eyes.

But that's not a choice on the screen. Exasperated with herself, she slaps the capture down.

Now, the last visit had been less than successful. A few of the novices had gotten a little too interested in Simon, caused Kaylee some hurt. Jayne, told 'look-don't-touch', had sulked. Mal, on a fairly similar footing, had ended up doing likewise, and after two days, they had a blazing row, and _Serenity_ had left. Without Inara.

That had been two months ago.

Inara was still conflicted. She hadn't told Mal, but she hadn't screened a client in months. The sweet peace of teaching absorbed her, the comfort of routine. But she couldn't deny that she was, well, bored.

Afterwards, she will blame the evening's lesson - the choosing and appreciation of wine. But she watches her finger reach out, dial a code.

0000

Mal is staring out of the window. With Jayne still nursing bust ribs, they have had to be a little more careful about their jobs. Not that Jayne won't try mixing it up, but he's already put himself back in the infirmary once, doing something strenuous that Mal don't want explained. Cargo runs like these, there ain't a deal to do. Catch up on your reading, polish your guns...Fact is, they can get mighty dull. Unless you are happy to sit and watch the stars.

Comm light blinks. To say he's surprised by the caller would be an understatement.

"Inara. This is a...well, it's good..."

"Can't I call on a...friend?" She's regretting it already.

"I'm a friend, now? Step up from petty brigand..."

"You were being an idiot..."

A slim hand suddenly hoves into view, deposits a mug.

"Your coffee, Captain...oh, sorry." A strange female voice.

"And cake? Don't I get cake?"

"I did save you a bit before himself cut loose, but I think River ate the frosting." The voice recedes. "I'll try and rescue it. Sorry to intrude."

Who the hell is she? That's an educated voice, and she's been allowed on the bridge...has Mal got himself snared up again?

"Who was that?" Astonishingly blunt, but it's late and she's been surprised.

"Oh, her?" Mal decides to tease. "Nice girl. Hell of a cook, too. What can I do for you?"

Inara's weak spot. She has all sorts of people-pleasing skills, but she cannot cook. Prepare tea as elegantly as you please, but scramble an egg, no.

Inara doesn't often give into temptation. That would be a loss of control. But she would admit to rampant curiosity. Composes her face into a serene and welcoming smile. (Which makes Mal suspicious as all hell.)

"I was wondering when you were going to be paying another visit to this part of the world. I may have a job for you." She adds, hastily.

Mal ain't fooled.

"We could stop by." He makes show of savouring his coffee. "Can't beat a good mug of java. You still drinkin' that oolong stuff?"

"It is distinctly better for you than coffee."

"Don't go as well with chocolate cake, though." Mal grins. "Doc's had a birthday, and I didn't get gutshot this year."

"How nice for you." She does not show impatience. "Shall I ask them to prepare guest quarters?"

"We'll be there in two days. Neither of can ever turn down work, can we?"

"Odd how distance does not improve you."

"And yet some people find me real charming."

Inara makes an exasperated noise, and cuts the wave before she yells at him. Mal keeps grinning. This could be all kinds of fun.

0000

_Serenity_ lands, neat and true, in the shadow of the training house, in the beautiful red-gold of late afternoon. Inara is waiting, composed.

Something's changed on the ship. The atmosphere is - lighter; it's the only way she can describe it. Mal greets her with one of his ironic bows, and he's obviously amused by something. She gives him a cool, polite nod of greeting, eyes him quickly, looking for signs.

Zoe's watching from above. Portrait of a Companion at her most frosty. This was going to be...interesting.

"Come and say hello to our new crew member."

Inara keeps her face calm, her pace even...

'New crew member' is in the kitchen. Pauses in stirring something, says without turning.

"Don't need to be a mind reader to know that there's hands in those cookies. Scat!"

Kaylee and River hurtle, giggling, a cookie apiece. Third culprit just pads up behind her.

"I ain't afraid of you yellin'."

Inara's eyes widen, as the woman turns, lifts her face...

"Quit grappling in the kitchen. It ain't hygienic." Mal says behind her. "'Sides, company's here."

"Oh, hi, 'Nara." Jayne's grinning, but he doesn't let go. "Meet my wife."


	2. Welcome To The Pleasuredome

2. Welcome To The Pleasuredome

Mal would have liked to have drawn it out a little longer, but the look on Inara's face is so very funny. Composure gone, she looks like she's been goosed but good.

She is not at all what Inara has been expecting. Rather ordinary, a woman, not a girl, dark hair falling out of its clip around a face more characterized by humour than beauty. Dressed in coveralls and a too big apron, even in boots, she barely reaches up to Jayne's chin.

Ilargia sees an elegant young woman, astonishingly beautiful, but mainly just astonished. Delicate eyebrows raised over liquid dark eyes gone round, a soft mouth dropped open in shock. And Mal, grinning like a fiend over her shoulder.

She fights free of Jayne's grip, blushing a little, but laughing.

"Ms Inara Serra? Pleased to meet you. I'm Ilargia Cobb."

If this is a joke, then it's very good. But - there was cheerful passion in that kiss. She's trained to know that sort of thing. Gets control of her jaw, and hitches back her smile. How did a woman so obviously from the Central Planets end up so at home on _Serenity,_ and - whatever - with Jayne Cobb?

Rest of the crew turn up to greet her. Kaylee, who doesn't bear grudges, makes her feel a bit better, sweet and cheerful as always. Zoe no longer looks quite as haunted, Simon looks a little less tense. And River...some measure of stability to her, now.

But Mal is at ease, which is not something Inara has had cause to see often. And Jayne...Jayne has a swagger in his step and she's never seen him try to be gentle before. She's always thought him to be coarse and brutal, a crude thug with no redeeming qualities. But he clearly adores his...wife. And the strange thing is, the woman actually seems to like him, too.

He's had some kind of beating fairly recently, and he moves stiffly. But he catches her back up in one arm as she goes past, and she leans and kisses him under the jaw like it's the most natural thing in the 'verse.

"Newly-weds." Mal rolls his eyes. "Put her down, Jayne. Gonna pop your ribs again."

The Cobbs ignore him, as usual.

"You gotta try a cookie, 'Nara." Kaylee whisks the tray away from Mal.

Inara is still off her centre. Tastes the offering. No packet mix or protein here. Real thing.

So many questions, but how to phrase them?

"I've been away two months, and suddenly Jayne's married?"

"I think he's as surprised as anyone." Kaylee grins. "It's a real romantic tale, 'Nara."

"Oh, thrillin' heroics." Mal interrupts. "But you don't want to be bothered with our small doings, now. You had mention of a job?"

"Shall we discuss it after dinner? I had assumed that you would like a chance to freshen up first."

"Well, ain't that a coincidence. How this whole thing started..." Mal is being deliberately irritating. So she ignores him. She has the vague feeling that she may have made a slight fool of herself, which makes her cross.

Mal's in high good humour. Striking sparks off 'Nara is always fun. Watching the porcelain mask slip, the glaze crack.

0000

It all starts with Kaylee realising that she's gonna get a chance to wear her party dress.

"Gotta wear something fancy, place like this."

"At least you have a dress - I'm still in your spare coveralls." Ilargia flicks the zip, ruefully.

"That's easy to solve." Inara's smile warms, and she looks suddenly younger. "I'll lend you something."

What did Jayne do? Kidnap the woman naked? She wouldn't put it past him.

0000

The guest bathrooms are quite something; cedarwood tubs adding their own fragrance to the water, separated by rice paper screens, but with a window view out over the mountains. In their room, the women chat and laugh, as soft-footed attendants bring tea and gowns.

"I was running a cargo home from Persephone, when Fate, in the person of Mr Badger, arranged my transport." Ilargia is locked in combat with a length of jade silk. "Bloody stuff...Well, I got myself into a bit of trouble, and this lot came back for me."

"Jayne hijacked the ship. With some help from River." Zoe clarifies.

"Heard there was trouble." River shakes her head. "Can't ask the Captain. Have to tell him."

"Jayne carried her out of a house fire..."

"Like a sack of potatoes, very romantic..." Ilargia interjects dryly.

"An' they've been together ever since."

"There was a small matter of attempted kidnapping, as well." Ilargia tries to keep her voice light, but there is a shaky note. Kaylee gives her a quick, worried pat on the arm, and River hugs her. (Not many secrets on _Serenity_, and they all have nightmares sometimes.)

"That's where Jayne got himself knocked about."

"Should have seen the other guy." Ilargia manages a smile. (Her right hand flexes.) "After that, I fancied a change of scene."

"And she fancied Jayne." Kaylee chips in.

"Which nobody understands." Zoe.

"Pasiphae." says River. Ilargia looks blank for a moment, then grins at her.

"Load of old bull."

Inara gets the joke, too, splutters with laughter. Zoe and Kaylee, who are by now getting used to the fact that their cook can actually understand River half the time, smile tolerantly.

Ilargia unclips her hair, and it unwinds down her back.

"You got such pretty hair." Kaylee sighs.

"Every time I mention cutting it, Himself throws a tantrum." But she smiles, runs her fingers back through it.

"Loves to lose himself in the waves." River grins. "Makes him happy."

"He likes to brush my hair." Ilargia explains to Inara. "And, you, brat, told you, no peeking." (Tone is indulgent.)

"Not peeking. Pair of you are blatant." River jerks her head. "Worse than them."

Kaylee squeaks in protest, but can't do more with Inara painting her eyes.

Ilargia finally gets the knack of her draperies, eyes the line of her dress over her shoulder.

"Actually makes me look taller and thinner." She sighs, happily.

"That dress is going to get...mauled." Zoe predicts.

"Companion wear is pretty maul-proof." Inara smiles. "Are you sure you don't want..?" Zoe stops her gently.

"Gonna stick with my old dress a while longer."

Wore it to marry him, wore it to bury him, wears it to remember him.

0000

Mal settles back in the bathtub.

"Don't see why we have to wash before dinner." There's the sound of something large displacing water beyond the rice-paper screen.

"Maybe because you smell?" Simon is already in his own tub.

"Do not." Pause. "Larji never said." Edge of uncertainty.

"I think that poor woman's nose has shut down in self defence."

"_Bi zui._" Mal calls a halt before someone gets drowned. "We could all do with some freshenin'. Thought you were keen on baths, now, Jayne?"

"Only if I got Larji in with me." A deep chuckle. "Woman's real thorough in her cleanin'..."

"Sharing!" A sponge lobs over.

Mal sinks until only his nose is above the water. Top three per cent and the lowest common denominator.

0000

The men are shifting nervously by the bottom of the staircase. Zoe, having declined to be made up or fussed overmuch, paces down to them. Mal grins, bows over her hand.

"Looking mighty fine, Zoe."

"Thank you, sir." Zoe grins back. "Wait until our Doctor gets a sight of Kaylee."

She's right. Kaylee reduces Simon to a puddle, blushing and stammering as he offers his elbow. Kaylee's kinda pleased by this. 'Nara has persuaded her to borrow a blue-green thing ( calls it teal, which Kaylee always thought was a duck) an' she feels like a proper lady in it.

Jayne's never seen Ilargia in a skirt before, let alone something slinky like she's wearing. She looks…expensive and delicate, touch of paint making her eyes even more exotic. But it's her crooked grin up at him, as she says,

"I feel like this thing is going to slither off me any second."

Jayne grins hopefully. Thought of sliding silk off his wife makes him forget all about dinner. She gives a little half turn.

"You like it?"

"Hell, yeah." Wipes his hands on his trousers, and checks them before he puts them on her hips. "Gonna mess up your paint."

"Mess away." Whispers in his ear. "Silk makes me feel naughty."

Ain't nothin' to what it's doing to Jayne.

Mal's about to tell them to get a room, when he gets an eyeful of the vision on the stairs.

Dark hair bound up in a intricate and artful coronet, makes her hold her head like a queen. Mysterious eyes hold secrets in their smoky depths, soft lips an explosion of colour against ivory skin. Whisper of gold earrings against a smooth throat, exquisite grace in every line of her. Dancer's slim body outlined in the silk draperies, colour of flame.

Zoe looks rapidly between the two of them. Then turns her eyes further up the stairs, to where Inara is surveying her handiwork with a pleased smile.

Storm's coming.


	3. Feasting With Panthers

Feasting With Panthers

"River..." Simon sees his sister, as she was meant to be, as she should be.

Ilargia holds Jayne's nostrils until he surfaces from her neck, and follows her pointing finger.

"Gorram. Ain't you somethin'?"

River steps gracefully down, pleased by the response. _(Captain's mind has taken flight like scared birds. But for one instant, he saw her.) _Simple pleasure in their minds at the sight of her, a complex twist of regret in Simon, flash of startled disquiet and gone again from Zoe.

_No longer the broken girl-child he found in a box. Walks like a queen..._He fastens his gaze on Inara with a sudden fervour.

Inara watches River. There are girls here who will never be able to attain that level of balance and grace, even with a lifetime of training. The little waif is becoming a young lady. Pleased with her handiwork, she paces down to join them all.

Mal, still a little thrown, bows over her hand.

"You've given our little albatross some fine feathers there. Not used to seeing her with her hair brushed."

River rather ruins the elegant facade by sticking her tongue out at him.

0000

The lamps throw soft shadows in the small dining hall, catch small details of embroidery or carving, shine on the richness of polished dark wood. It is an elegant space, designed for small, intimate meals and quiet, refined conversation...

"I hope we got meat this time round." comes a gravelly whisper from behind her. "Din't get nothin' but vegetables last time."

"You have no concept of fine dining, do you?" Articulate and weary.

"Don't understand eating poor when you don't have to."

"You two keep bickerin', I'm reckonin' there'll be no pudding." Mal hisses. "Bad enough listenin' to you both fighting in the bath..." He stops himself.

"Now, that's an image." Ilargia says, amid a number of female snorts. "And we missed it, Kaylee."

"Were there wet towels?" Zoe smirks at Mal's horrified expression. "I'm just askin', sir..."

Inara sighs. So, forget the refined conversation.

They fall into their usual pattern of seating without thought. So Inara finds herself facing Mal down the table, with Simon on one side of her, and, slightly more worrying, Jayne on the other.

The kitchens here prepare anything that might be met throughout the civilised world. Which means that half the table are going to be facing some strange dishes. But others will be finding a taste of home. She has chosen the menu with care.

Inara is quite glad that they are not sharing the main dining hall with the trainees. She likes these people, but not all of them have the kind of table manners that she has spent time instilling into her pupils. They don't wait for the attendants, chatting, passing bowls around, helping themselves, trying things off other plates. There is no peaceful contemplation of the harmonious arrangements of the food.

"This recipe, I have to get." Ilargia savours a piece of something crisp and dry-fried, sharp taste of chilli and garlic and honey.

Inara wonders how the woman thinks she is going to reproduce some of the finest cuisine in the 'verse in _Serenity's_ kitchen. And she's obviously thinking that a bit too loudly.

"Not a euphemism." River is stern. "Really can cook."

Mal glances up sharply.

"You insulting our cook, there?" Which brings Jayne's head up, too, defensive. Inara responds carefully, grateful that they seem to have missed the initial import of River's remark.

"I...merely wondered how you would go about recreating such a recipe, given the scale of the kitchen."

"I might be somewhat hampered by a lack of equipment and ingredients, but I can produce something halfway decent." Ilargia is hurt, and a little irritated. She misses her kitchen and her books and her knives. Jayne rubs her shoulder comfortingly.

"_Bao bei_, we lived on protein mush and rice a long time before you came. Fact you can put such taste into it is a gorram triumph." He smirks. "Not that I'm gonna say no to a little experimentation."

"You never do." She grins back, steals a strip of quail from his plate. "Next time we land anyplace that you can get out and hunt, you bring me something back for the pot."

"But don't use any of my scalpels to joint it this time." Simon grumbles.

Luckily, the attendants come in to serve another set of dishes at that juncture, and the sizzle of the plates disperses the tension.

Mal thinks that Inara is looking rather superior. Probably waiting for him to blow his nose on the tablecloth or some such. Takes a deliberately large helping of rice.

"Step up from the 'good dogs' at Eavesdown, eh, Gia?"

"Oh." She wrinkles her nose, but before Inara can congratulate her on her taste, "Uses too much coriander. Much better fare at Trackrabbit Slim's."

"What is a track rabbit?" Inara has never heard of the species.

"Rats." Ilargia hastens to reassure her. "But mostly he uses guinea pigs. I like to meet the meat."

Inara is not reassured. River is puzzled.

"Why are snails civilized and rodents not?"

"Different places to stand." Mal gives Inara a look. "Some places a woman's a Companion, other places she's a..."

"Mal." Inara glares. "Don't ruin the meal for everyone."

Ilargia actually answers River.

"People eat whatever is around them, sweetie..."

( "In Jayne's case, that's whatever can't get off his plate quickly enough..."

"Shut up, Simon.")

"...and guinea pigs were quite a delicacy on Earth-That-Was in certain countries. It's that fine line between delicatessen and petshop. Some people juggle geese, some people eat puppies."

"I always thought Core folk were too civilized to go butchering animals." (Mal takes an oblique swipe at the Buddhist toying with her eggplant and tofu.)

"Oh, rare steak equals social deviant." Ilargia grins. "Unless you're from certain places on Londinium...that's a whole different can of worms..."

"Worms?" Jayne stops eating, eyes his plate of noodles suspiciously. Mal smirks.

"Now, Gia, you know he ain't been right since you told him 'bout the snails."

"Ain't nobody should be eating bugs less'n they absolutely have to."

"Not bugs. Mollusc. Gastropods. Helix Pomatia."

"Fat and milk-fed and cooked in garlic..." Ilargia sounds dreamy.

"Just snot in shell to me." Jayne looks at his wife uneasily. "I mean, you kiss me with that mouth."

"Now I feel sick." says Simon. He turns to Inara. "Mealtimes have a whole new dimension of terror, now. We just have to hope that we never meet another sentient life form. He'll kill it and she'll cook it."

"We come in pieces." River giggles. This room, this food reminds her of...different times. Perhaps not happier. She turns the small portion of bird in her fingers. Under the varnish, still just meat.

Jayne likes to see a woman enjoy her food. Larji don't pick at things. She's working her way through a pile of spare-ribs. He likes his ribs with a little more meat and sauce to 'em - makes him think on the Cobb family recipe. They ever get round to affording some decent groceries...

"That will be a good secret." River tells him.

"Now, don't you go peekin' in my head. That sauce recipe is family business..."

Inara makes quiet conversation with Simon.

"She seems to be getting better."

"She's...improving. Learning to manage her...condition." Simon picks his words. He can't think how better to put it - well, he can. Living around Jayne has expanded his vocabulary, but it doesn't seem appropriate in these surroundings. "She's far more lucid, now. And I'm gradually bringing her medication down..."

Inara listens, asks intelligent questions. Mal watches them, scowls slightly. Woman's up to something. Mal knows her, by now. He can't figure on the what. But she's playing him.

0000

They sip green tea, even Jayne feeling pleasantly full. Inara surveys them.

She claps her hands, and the attendants clear the dishes. And from somewhere behind the walls, music starts. A delicate melody from a time and place long distant. River's head goes up, and her lips part.

Mal and Inara look along the table at each other. The memory of the last time they danced in both their minds.

"Dinner and dancing? This is a real fancy party."

Inara raises cool eyebrows at him. Companions do not ever display irritation. And much as it would please her to do so, she can't get away with treading on his feet either.

He should ask her to dance again. But he'll be damned if he'll give her the satisfaction. Because that would be his only reason for doing what he does next.

"Well, I can't leave a pretty girl sitting like a wallflower." He bows, extends a hand to River.

River rises elegantly, tips her chin.

"La, sir, you flatter me." A sudden gleam of wicked humour. "One trusts that you will not be so...vigorous as at our last encounter?"

Inara's smile slips a notch, even as they step out of earshot. Mal remembers the last time he danced with River, curbs his stride.

"Now, that ain't fair. 'Sides, this is civilised prancing about."

"Simon split his pants. Dance lessons. Age twelve." River murmurs. Mal snickers.

Simon finds his feet, his tongue and his manners, bows to Kaylee.

"Miss Frye, would you do me the honour..."

They smile foolishly at one another. River smiles, too. All those hours of avoiding Kaylee's boots paid off, as she waltzes daintily in Simon's arms.

Simon, who had hated every minute of having to dance with his bratty little sister as a boy, now blesses it. Kaylee is enchanted. She's gonna have to get some of that fancy liquor on board _Serenity,_ 'cos it does wonders for Simon's confidence. An' in these little slippers, she ain't so fretted about standing on his toes.

Jayne eyes Ilargia uneasily.

"You wantin' to dance?"

"You askin'?" She laughs at his face. "I can't dance, darling. Not all formally like this, anyway."

"Ain't no deal." Jayne relaxes gratefully. "Not my kinda shindig, neither. Like my music with a bit more pep."

"I would love to take you to a gig - get you dancing all sweaty and shirtless."

"Gorram, woman, you're insatiable." Smirks. "I can do sweaty and shirtless - you just tell me when."

They laugh softly together, and she rests into his shoulder. Tastes of rice wine and the sugar of candied fruit on her lips...

"He really loves her, doesn't he?" Inara is surprised by the wistful edge to her own voice. Zoe gives her a solemn look.

"If she'd been with us back...when, he'd have been out fighting with River."

0000

Kaylee, laughing and a little dizzy from rice wine and waltzin', needs to sit. So Simon taps Mal on the shoulder.

"What?"

"I'm cutting in." Simon grins. "Why don't you ask Zoe to dance?"

"You ask her."

"I'm not that brave, Captain. Now, sir, unhand my sister."

Both Tams grin at him, suddenly, uncannily alike. Mal grins back, bows in graceful defeat. And does as suggested.

Zoe raises an eyebrow, but rises gracefully to her feet. Won't be the first time they ever danced together. And it ain't like betraying Wash in another man's arms. Captain's her other self, best and oldest friend. She can feel the anger in him, the confusion. Mutters out of the corner of his mouth.

"What do you reckon, then? We being played?"

"You're mighty suspicious, sir."

"I got reason to be." Smooths a scowl. "Woman uses wiles on me."

"We'll find out soon enough." Zoe still has a bad feeling about all of this. Casts an eye over the gilt and frippery around them. "They ain't short of coin here, and any job's likely legal."

0000

River pushes Simon.

"Shouldn't dance with me all evening."

"Oh, all right." Simon, inspired by a devil, taps Mal on the shoulder.

"You cuttin' in again?"

"Yes. Do excuse me." And a startled Mal finds himself being waltzed across the floor by the other Tam. The rest of the crew whoop and cheer.

Inara puts her face in her hands.


	4. All That You Can't Leave Behind

All That You Can't Leave Behind

With her carefully planned and civilized evening descending into chaos, Inara shoos them out onto the terrace. This is supposed to be a place for quiet reflection. It is true that the sweep of the view and the sunset silences them momentarily, but then they are all laughing and talking again, pointing out the little bats that skim down against the indigo evening.

Ilargia stands by the balustrade, savouring the view. She misses the open sky. Arms wrap around her, and there is a large, warm presence at her back.

"That was some fine and fancy dining." Jayne is happy; not often he feels full. "Reckon you could do that sauce again?"

"Yes." Ilargia considers. "Or something like it. That woman thinks I'm just your bedwarmer, you know."

"She ain't got no call to look down on that." He rests his chin on top of her head. "Don't let her fret you - she and Mal put each other out of humour just by breathin', and then they go and spread it about some, so as nobody feels left out."

"Kaylee told me they had a...complicated relationship."

"They're a pair of gorram fools."

Jayne don't understand Mal and Inara. If they care, why don't they up and say so? A little fightin's fine, 'cos then you get to the making up. But this whole dancing about makes him tired.

Now, dress it up any way you like, but 'Nara goes with folks for money. Jayne's got nothing against working girls, but he's glad his Larji ain't, so he can see that Mal don't want to share. Then again, he can't see why Inara would keep runnin' about when she don't have to, 'less she likes it.

Ilargia would like to like Inara. But she thinks that Mal is too fine a man to have his heart trampled on. And an idiot to put up with it. This world of softness and wealth was never her world anyway. Fun to visit, but she wouldn't want to live here...She becomes aware of a deft hand finding a dress fastening.

"Jayne! If you pull that pin out, I'm going to end up with this dress round my ankles."

"Better get to our room, then." Other hand plays across the silk at her hip. "'Cos I need you to warm more than my bed."

"Animal." She turns in his arms. "Swept off my feet and onto my back."

Jayne just grins down at her, and she laughs, calls to the others.

"Good-night. Jayne's having urges, so we're off to bed."

0000

Inara watches them go, as surprised by everyone's calm acceptance as by their open-ness.

"Who is she, really, Mal?"

"What does it matter to you? You left us."

Her lips thin.

"That doesn't mean that I am not concerned."

"She's our cook."

"And Jayne's...wife."

"'Verse holds a deal of strange sights. Those two are one of 'em." Mal's grin is nasty. "Woman's got class, education, and he's just a gun-totin' petty criminal. Dunno what she see in him."

"I really couldn't say." Inara doesn't meet his eyes. "Where is she from? Originally."

"Londinium." He enjoys the new shock. "Seems not everyone is so keen on the peace and order of your neat little worlds."

The last few months have seen protest and panic throughout the Central Worlds. The Alliance is having to do some very public house-cleaning to restore confidence. Inara sighs.

"It hurt a lot of people, having their faith in their government betrayed like that."

"Got no sympathy. People chose to put their necks under that heel, and the boot kicked 'em in the face."

Mal is intractable. She knows this. And she doesn't want to fight with him. He just makes it so difficult not to.

"It could be made better, Mal."

"We seen what the Alliance idea of making folks better leads to. I don't hold with it, an' I never will."

0000

Kaylee sits on one of the benches, and pulls off her shoes. Simon sits down, too, takes up one small foot and massages her toes. Kaylee purrs.

"I could get used to this kinda life. This the sort of fancy party you had at home?"

"The food was. Not the company." Simon smiles wryly up at River. "Can you imagine someone like Mr Crosetti making small talk with Jayne?"

River considers it.

"Jayne is an honest thief. Might steal the teaspoons, but he wouldn't expect you to thank him for it." She gives a little pirouette. "Prefer our party."

"I think I do, too." Simon looks fondly at Kaylee, who is blissing out. Her make-up is a little smudged, and despite her care, she has managed to drop a little fruit juice down the front of her gown. She's still gorgeous.

River, deciding that she is no longer needed, flits away. She has things to think on.

0000

Mal and Zoe have rooms next to each other. They pause for a quiet word outside.

"We ain't letting that boy drink again." Mal shakes his head, but he's grinning.

"Could have been worse, sir."

"Oh?"

"Could have been a tango."

"_Ai ya_." Mal shudders. "First time I've seen him any kind of relaxed."

"Reckon this is more his style of living." Zoe looks around. "Not what I'd call homey, but rich folks is different."

"So...trap?"

"We scanned the sector. Alliance lost a deal of ships over Miranda, and they've had to pull in pretty far. Nothin' bigger than us any place near."

"And I haven't been stabbed yet." Mal reminds her.

"Maybe..." Zoe bites gingerly on this, "Inara just wanted to see...us?"

Mal's snort holds no hope or encouragement.

"I wouldn't have dragged us out here without cause..."

"Not suggesting it, sir." She soothes. "Just, we may have been misled, is all."

"Can't run the ship on dreams." He looks away.

"I'll take first watch." Zoe, ever practical. "Four hour and turnabout?"

"You're a mighty suspicious woman."

"Had a good teacher, sir. Ain't no such thing as a free lunch."

0000

Inara paces down the terrace towards the small shrine beyond. It has been a long evening. She's spent most of it diverting conversation, letting people talk about themselves. Sleep will not come, and neither will peace of mind.

Disquiet moves in her, something that she cannot place, cannot still with meditation. She has dropped this stone into the well-ordered pool of her life. Now she must cope with the ripples.

"Good evening."

If Inara is slightly startled, she doesn't show it, much. Ilargia Cobb is sitting under one of the terrace lamps, reading.

"My horrible husband is snoring. It was either get up or kill him. He's too damn heavy to roll over."

"There's a knack." says Inara, dryly. She's had a few bandsaw boys in her time. _(Does Mal snore?) _Pushes that thought swiftly away.

"I notice everyone brings their needs to you. You ever get a chance to just sit?" Ilargia pushes a chair with her toe.

Inara sits, wary, expecting some conversational gambit, but Ilargia just settles back behind her book. She's not playing a game, Inara realises with a shock, she's just being friendly.

She's a type of person that Inara has never really met. Absolutely...ordinary. Until she came onto the ship, Inara had never shopped for food before. Or done her own laundry. But...Londinium. It's a very long way from the stone and glass and steel, the culture and order of ultimate civilization to...him, frankly. The green eyes lift, and Ilargia puts the book down.

"You really have been wondering about me and Jayne, haven't you?"

The look she's getting indicates that this is an intelligent, confident woman. Honesty is going to be the best policy.

"I am curious, but I felt it would be rude to ask." Well, honesty of a sort.

"He's everything you could want in a man, believe me."

"But he's..." Inara's vocabulary fails her, "...a little crude, surely?"

"A certain lack of formal education, but there's no great call for philosophy professors out here. Sometimes a woman isn't looking for the 'gentle' with the 'man'."

"Sometimes a rough diamond is just a lump of coal."

"Coal's more use. Keeps you warm." She grins. "You telling me you were never tempted by those tight pants strutting about in front of you being all in charge?"

Inara laughs. "We're not talking about me." Or the tight pants.

"Besides," Ilargia settles back, "he plays the guitar. Never could resist a musician."

Now that was something Inara didn't know about him. They eye each other. Two women from the Central Planets, more than worlds away from each other.

"How did you come to be...out here?"

"I'm...nobody special. I was a very minor government clerk, living a life of quiet desperation in a perfectly ordered society, until I gave up everything that was a prison."

"Why him?"

Ilargia recognises the question for what it is. A genuine desire to find out the why. She knows why Inara wants to know, as well.

"The first night I was on _Serenity_, I couldn't sleep. So I got up, and there he was, sitting on the stairs. Frightened me half to death - I thought he was some kind of guard." (Inara remembers her first encounter with Jayne - stalking out of the shuttle past Mal and into a solid wall of muscle. Frightened her, too.) "Instead, we ended up sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea, and I realised that I was in trouble."

"He got grabby."

"No. He sat at his end of the table and went all shy and polite." (Jayne? Shy?) "So there I was, with this big, dangerous man in front of me, and I just thought, yummy. And all the sensible bits of my head yelled at me. Killer. Criminal. Bad Man."

"So what drowned out the sensible bits?"

"Oh, the voice, the guitar, the blue eyes, those big hands, that sweet, hopeful grin he has...it was all a bit irresistible, and then when we got dirtside, I stopped resisting." Ilargia can't help it, she's glowing. "You ever had a client, where you thought, I want to keep this one?"

"One or two." Inara blinks. "Two. Jayne?"

"Oh, yes. I was married before. It ended...badly. And until Jayne, I'd always thought the multiple O was a myth." Even Companions can be a little startled. Ilargia grins at her expression. "So now, I'm married to a man who is sweet and funny and sexy as hell."

"The thieving and the killing..."

"Happen outside the bedroom." Ilargia's hand clenches, subconscious reflex. "I've seen him kill. I've helped him kill. And I live with that. One day, he won't be there any more, but until then, I want all that I can of him, for as long as he cheats death, rather than shut myself away from feeling anything."

"How can you compartmentalize like that?"

"The same way you do." Inara walks right into that. "But I love the man, and that means accepting that he has done, and still will do, some horrible things to survive. He's a mercenary on a smuggling ship on the edge of known space. But he is also a man who will wear a ridiculous hat simply because his mother made it for him, a fine musician, an excellent cook and a truly wonderful lover. Call it a poorly developed moral sense, or an atavistic impulse, if it makes you happier."

"But going from Londinium to being a...cook?"

"I'm a very good cook. It's the only skill I have. I can't shoot or fight, or pilot anything bigger than an aircar. I can't hunt, or fix engines. Hell, I can't even sew. I came out here with no threat of the Guild to hold people off. And I've lost everything I've ever worked for." She raises her chin. "I could have stayed, rebuilt my life. But I couldn't ask Jayne to leave _Serenity_."

"He would have done that?"

"He offered. But I had nothing to tie me anywhere I didn't want to be. So I let him carry me off. My head knows it's not sensible, but the rest of me gets persuaded otherwise." She grins. "Regularly."

"You make it sound so easy..."

"It was never easy." Face is older, harder, eyes illusionless. "I've been lonely and tired and scared. But I will not have my life dictated. I make my own choices and live with them." The smile is one of hard-won self-knowledge. "I have no faith to sustain me, I'm just bloody-minded."

Inara revises her opinion. Not ordinary at all. And she realises that she can say things to this woman that she wouldn't even say to Sheydra.

"Nobody understands why I can't give everything up for him. Even me, sometimes." Everybody else condemns her for not throwing her whole life away for a man.

"You can't give up everything you are, because that way lies resentment." There's experience behind that. "I have no conflict with who and what I am. I don't have your lifetime of training, or your ties of loyalty. But then, I don't think anyone else really understands about the Guild, do they?"

There is a short, dangerous moment of quiet.

"Who are you?"

"I'm just the cook." Ilargia smiles, but her eyes are watchful. "I studied history. People think it's dry, irrelevant. But it tells us where we came from, what we are capable of. What we might do in the future. Twenty percent of the seats in Parliament are ex-Companions. Political and social prominence when you retire. How many of the rest have an...advisor?"

Inara shivers a little.

How much power does the Guild wield? A blacklisted client will be forever denied certain status. Businesses will not trade. Socially unacceptable in some quarters. A Companion can go anywhere with the knowledge of the Guild, the velvet fist, poised behind them. Their ears hear secrets, they know the lusts and frailties of so many. And they advise, oh yes. So very gently, for they know when a body is receptive to new ideas. They grow rich on the grateful advice of others. They are a loving octopus. Life outside the embrace could be cold and terrifying, and probably quite short.

"Nobody else has ever asked me that sort of thing."

"Nobody else is from the same world. The doctor has other concerns right now, but I expect the brat will figure it out sooner or later. And yes, I do know about River," she adds, off Inara's look. "Bastards." She adds, savagely.

Inara bows her head.

"I don't hate my life enough to walk out of it. There is still so much to learn..."

"He isn't going to share you. Too proud."

There's footsteps on the pathway. Jayne, shirtless and a little mussed from sleep.

"Woke up an' missed you." He says, simply. "Got used to cuddlin' you, now, _bao bei._ Come back to bed."

Inara's eyes prick suddenly, and she looks away. Ilargia gets to her feet, takes the large hand held out to her.

"Good-night." She says gently, to the younger woman. "Worse things in the 'verse than loving a space-pirate."

0000

In her room, River kneels, hands tucked within her sleeves. Were it not for the slight rise and fall of her breathing, you could think her a statue. Eyes closed, face tranquil, she pulls herself back into her mind. This is a place of calm and order, and it helps her to focus.

It had been like their family dinners. Like they used to be, before...Dress her up and make her perform.

She calculates. Facts support the hypothesis.

Environment designed to simulate familiarity, provoke feelings of security.

Conclusion; Inara wishes them to feel comfortable in these surroundings.

Elements are not the factors of a formative environment for those others in the group. Ergo, they are excluded from the comfort.

Re-evaluate conclusion. Inara wishes the Tams to feel comfortable in these surroundings.

Surroundings are. A school. For young women.

Conclusion...River's eyes snap open. The Captain is going to be very angry indeed.


	5. The Delicate Sound of Thunder

The Delicate Sound of Thunder

"What were you talkin' to Inara about?"

"She wanted to know exactly why I gave up a life of ease and comfort to go running about the stars with a bunch of criminals." She turns, spoons back against him. "Wanted to know why I went and fell in love with you."

"Oh." His frown doesn't quite clear. "Why did you? I mean, this is more your kinda world, ain't it?"

"Hardly. My family didn't have the money to send me anywhere this flash. Even if I'd ever wanted to." She twists her head to look up at him. "Anyway, I told her why I love you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." It's a grin of pure wickedness. "Woman sees a great big piece of tasty like you, she'd be mad to let it go."

"That all I am to you?"

"Of course not, you big idiot. But our hearts are nobody's business but our own." Her face is serious. "Takes more than sex to make a marriage." She bends, kisses the large hand nestled up around her. "These hands aren't going to hurt me."

"I hurt a lot of folk over the years..."

"I know what you do. I've seen you." They both think on that a beat. She has less nightmares than she thought she might. "Life is what it is. I fell in love with a man, not his job. But the job is part of him, so I accept that."

Not the first time they've had a talk like this, of course. They do talk, tucked in their bunk, a little quiet time away from the others. Mostly childhood stories, a little of their thoughts on the 'verse, just...stuff.

_("We got a deal of things to find out about each other." _

"_That's all part of the fun."_

"_You might not like some of my past..."_

"_Everything that you are comes out of what you've done in your life." She traces a pale line, old scar up under his shoulder blade. "You might not like some of my past, either."_

"_Don't like the fact you was married to that chou hun dan...Man didn't treat you right, an' don't tell me he did." He rubs a hand through his short hair. "Can't figure why you walked out on a world of plenty, less'n he hurt you some."_

"_Not physically. He never hit me." She thinks. "Although I sometimes felt he might. But I annoyed him. Everything I did. I wore the wrong things, ate the wrong things. Had the wrong job. And he never ceased to tell me so." Shakes it off. "You can live in a soft world of plenty, and it will still be a nightmare.")_

Jayne looks around him. This is a soft world of plenty, too. But he would bet cashy money that either Zoe or Mal are prowlin' about somewhere. Slow and careful, he reaches a hand under the pillow, checks his pistol is in reach.

You don't ever go trustin' a whore with your purse.

0000

Before dawn, there is a sharp shower of rain, so the morning finds the courtyard hung with silver, the day washed clean. There is still a heaviness in the air, the promise of more to come.

Simon wakes early. Kaylee is still sleeping; in fact, when he gets up, she rolls into the warmth left by his body, and wraps the covers tighter around herself. Simon takes this as a sign that he should seek some fresh air.

He is not the first one up. A group of trainees are doing a _tai chi_ routine in one of the courtyards. Slow, deliberate grace as they dip and turn, sleeves fluttering. And it takes him a moment to realise that one of them is River.

He watches her. A girl amongst other girls.

Inara, standing in the shadow of the terrace, watches him watching his sister. Thinking himself unobserved, his face displays all his love and concern. She is fond of Simon. In their shared time aboard, she had found him to be a charming boy, not someone who should have to be exposed to Malcolm Reynolds, or his way of life. It makes this easier.

"Good morning, Simon."

He smiles at her. She is of his world, as no-one else is. Ilargia is from the Core, but sometimes, she makes him feel even more alone. He cannot understand how she can turn her back so easily, to embrace (literally) barbarism.

"Inara." He ducks his head. "I do hope that I didn't ruin your evening..."

"Oh, no." Her denial is swift, and perhaps not as sincere as it could be, but her smile is still warm. "I hope you don't mind River joining Ruksha's class?"

"Not at all." The polite dance of manners. "I had forgotten this."

They both watch for a minute. The tiny instructor looks barely older than the girls. All their faces wear expressions of serene concentration.

"Simon...I have a proposition for you both." She takes a breath. "The Guild can offer her a home here."

The Simon Tam of a year ago would have swept his sister into such a sanctuary without a second thought. Now, he bites his lip, considers...

It doesn't appal him. It was even a choice his parents had once considered for River, before they found out just how smart she really was. Inara's soft voice continues on...

She could live within these walls. She would have people around her who did not spend all their time plotting ways to rob and kill. She would have peace and stillness, and time to dance.

River is regaining a certain clarity - she will never be well, but she does more than function. Maybe time has accustomed them to her oblique style of speech, its run of allegory and metaphor. Maybe he hopes too much. But here, perhaps she could heal. There is peace and order, a sense of tranquillity. Not things in great supply on board _Serenity._ She seems to have become accustomed to such a haphazard existence, but it's not how she should have to live, running and hiding, and living hand to mouth.

This planet has a hospital. Newly-founded and seeking knowledgeable staff.

He could offer Kaylee a proper home. It's a thought he keeps pushing to the back of his mind, but one that persists, in the quiet watches of the night.

She leaves him to think on it, as the class draws to a close and the girls form into a graceful procession. Inara falls in beside Ruksha, and the two Companions lead their flock away.

0000

He leans his elbows on the balustrade. This is a peaceful place, an oasis of civilization in a howling wilderness. He looks out over the mountains. The Tams' had taken a holiday one year, to a vacation spot not dissimilar...

"Mount Abora." says River, behind him. "And you didn't want to come, wanted to stay with your friends in the city."

"You didn't have the monopoly on being a brat." Simon looks at the elegant young woman who seems to have replaced his baby sister. "Did I really dance with the Captain last night?"

"You waltz divinely." His sister assures him. Simon puts his face in his hands.

"I shouldn't drink rice wine."

"At least you didn't sing." River grimaces. Her brother is a brilliant surgeon, but an indifferent vocalist. She steps up and rests her head on his arm. "So. Wants me to become another bird in the gilded cage."

He's not surprised that she knows.

"You would be safe here."

"She thinks I would be safe. But she doesn't know the steps of this dance."

"You're sure." It's not a question.

"The thunder knows. _Datta, dayadhvam, damyata_. Give," her arm sweeps around the courtyard, "Sympathize..."(Simon thinks on a conversation about medicine, intelligent dark eyes.) River nods, "Control."

"River..."

"Not your decision. Mine."

"You want to stay here?"

"No, dumbass." She puts her hands over his. "Have a home, have a family. Don't want to leave them lost in the woods - need a navigator." She sighs, lets her hair fall forward. Peers up at him. "Know you want dirt beneath your feet, not under your fingernails. But I am not a broken doll - can't keep me in the toybox until someone wants to play. I am...useful on _Serenity. _Not decorative. Need me to fly them through the storms."

"You love flying, don't you?"

"Wash knew. Once you have seen the stars, can't go back. No other place I can be." Smiles at him, and he sees his sister. Not quite an adult, but no longer a child. Not quite whole again, but healing. He sighs.

"Then we had best go and tell the others."

0000

Jayne sits up in the wide bed, watches his wife puttering about in her underwear.

"Leave your hair down? You ain't fussin' in the kitchen today."

"You just want me to look all girly for you."

"Yeah. Don't get a chance to see you all tricked out much." He looks almost shy. "You looked real fine in that green dress."

"It's like...clothing origami, though." She eyes the folds of silk, gives him a glance. "I'd prefer something in cotton, maybe buttons down the front. More..."(raises an eyebrow) "practical."

Jayne grins. She ain't so slinky and painted up this morning. His Larji again, pulling on one of his shirts - and stealing his belt to cinch it in. Still has that touch of paint smudged about her eyes. Makes a bandanna out of a length of material, and grins over her shoulder at him.

"Girly enough?"

"Darlin', you'd make a stone sit up and take notice." He can't figure how a woman can look so damn sexy in his old shirt.

0000

Half the crew are at breakfast, at a table set out in a smaller, plainer room than the dining hall. Kaylee is soaking in the bath, and Mal is still sleeping, but Zoe and Ilargia are both watching Jayne consume a large breakfast, wavering between indulgence and horrified amusement. He smirks when he sees the doctor, waves a bowl of eggs at him. Simon shudders, but gratefully accepts the cup of tea Ilargia gives him.

"No coffee here. Bad for the karmic resonance or something."

Jayne grunts.

"No bacon, neither."

Simon wonders how to broach the subject. River frowns at him.

"Just say it. Dress it up and paint it, still the same object. Objective, subjective. Subject to conditioning."

"You still dizzy in the head from dancin'?"

Simon takes a breath, and is deeply thankful that the Captain is not present.

0000

Zoe's face doesn't express surprise, but her eyes narrow fractionally.

"So. Ain't that something."

Of course, it's Jayne who says what everyone is thinking.

"Woman's done lost her brainstem, she thinks Mal's gonna like this."

"I don't think she's got the first idea how angry he's going to be." Ilargia shakes her head. "Being a Companion...in the Alliance, it's not considered a degradation. People actually choose it for their daughters."

"Did yours ever think on it?" Zoe is curious. Ilargia's grin is cheerful and wicked.

"Can you really see me all tricked out and being sweetly polite to a man?"

"No." Everybody choruses. Except Jayne. Who smirks. She slaps him lightly, and continues.

"It's that psychological profile, again. The schooling system, it's geared to finding talents from the get go. Gymnasts, musicians...filing clerks," (she waves her fingers,) "your path set before you, by the age of twelve. Wouldn't you agree, Doctor Tam?"

Simon nods.

"I had a good basic grounding academically, but I was already being guided into the sciences by then."

"Used to be a good pianist. Waste of time for a surgeon." (Simon had forgotten. He looks at his long fingers.) "Gave up such a lot." River curls into his side.

Jayne snorts.

"Can't say as I think much of them as would sell their kin to the skin trade."

"You?" Simon almost chokes at the hypocrisy of the man. Jayne shrugs.

"Coupla months back, I'd've dumped her out, and thrown in a box of ammo." He says frankly. "Can find us enough trouble, 'thout it come lookin'. 'Cept we bin through a deal since then, an' without li'l crazyboots, I don't reckon on me or my Larji doin' so well about now. So I figure I got me a debt to pay. She don't go nowhere she don't want to."

Simon stares at him. Jayne glares back.

"Since when did you get a conscience?"

"She's eating toast." Jayne jerks his head. "You said it first, doc. We're on the same crew here. Don't have to like each other."

"That's a relief."

Zoe ignores the bickering.

"Reckon we'd best get _Serenity_ prepped for take-off. Just in case the invitation becomes more pressing."

"Inara wouldn't..."

"Not saying she would, but she ain't the one in charge of this place."

Ilargia nods.

"For practical and political purposes, the Guild are Alliance. How do we know that this wasn't what they had in mind for River all along? Graceful, accomplished, empathic...the perfect Companion."

River follows Ilargia's thought process along the logical progression, nods.

"Dance right up and kill with a kiss." She begins to shake. "Can be anything...be a leaf, be a butterfly, be a blade in the dark..."

"Enough with the jawin'." Jayne's voice jolts her. "You sayin' we're going to have to fight our way out against a bunch of whores?"

"All Companions are trained in a variety of martial arts."

"An' Inara was right handy with that bow of hers." Zoe reminds him. Jayne shrugs.

"Can't outdance bullets."

"Who's dancin' now?" Kaylee, still pink from her bath, walks in, happily unaware.

"Inara has offered River a place in the Training House." Simon says quietly.

"Oh, that would be..." Kaylee's face falls as she takes in their expressions, "not so good. Does the Cap'n know?"

"Walls are still standin, so that'd be a 'no'."

"He's gonna be real upset with her, isn't he?"

"It's 'Nara. Man's in a permanent state of upset. I know you like her, Kaylee, but Captain needs to know if someone's tryin' to poach our pilot." Zoe sets her jaw. "I'm really not lookin' forward to this conversation."

"Hope Jayne's left me some breakfast." Mal shoulders in. His smile dies. "What?"

Simon clears his throat.

"Well, Captain..."


	6. Doll's Houses and Wild Ducks

Doll's Houses and Wild Ducks

They could understand yelling. But the cold silence, his utter stillness, has a quality of impending menace that's far worse.

Captain's mind a kaleidoscope of rage and panic and bewilderment. River holds her head. She knew it was going to be bad, but this is a firestorm. He has been betrayed before. Seen his 'verse burn and die.

"Well, then. Mayhap I'd best go have a word with our...hostess, decline her...kind offer."

Voice is steady, face calm. Eyes are windows into hell. He turns for the door, gentle-like, and then Simon is fool enough to catch his sleeve.

"Inara spoke to me - I should really be the one to refuse..."

Mal's face changes.

"You mean you didn't?" And hands shoot out, grab Simon by the collar.

"No!" River wails it. Too much confusion, too much rage.

Mal looks at her. River looks back.

"_Serenity_ needs her doctor. Sister needs her brother." A small hand on his wrist. "His Pilot needs her Captain to stop choking him."

Mal drops the doctor, with a sound that might be a snarl, and slams out of the door.

Even Jayne don't have the heart to try and be funny. He puts out a hand, finds Larji's. Gonna be some powerful fightin' now.

Ilargia sighs. An evening's conversation and a handful of anecdotes aren't really enough to give her a picture of Inara, but she knows the type, the background. And she feels desperately sorry for her, even as she curses the silly cow. Turns her hand in her husband's, holds tight.

Zoe can't figure it. She's thought 'Nara to be a lot of things, but stupid ain't ever been one of them. She's lookin' to make Mal leap into orbit 'thout a ship, she may have just hit on the very thing. Since the war, Mal's been drifting, bitter and empty. Now, man's got himself a cause to fight for again. And she got no trouble followin'; never could figure the skin trade, herself. Can't be living a lie - love's too precious to go fakin' and feignin'.

Kaylee sees only the present worry and the future pain. She fusses over Simon, fetches him more tea as he rubs his throat. Cap'n and 'Nara have their fights and enjoy 'em, far as she can tell, 'cos some folks is made that way, but you can push a fight too far. She done that herself, once or twice, and you just get left in the dust, wonderin' where you put your foot wrong.

Simon feels that he's somehow managed to screw it all up again. Wanted to do the right thing for everybody, and he's been half-throttled by a maniac.

She's fragmenting again, under the weight of the minds around her. Captain's distress is a physical pain. Hurts her to be near him.

Would hurt worse to be away from him.

Mal storms along the walkway, brown coat snapping in his wake, thoughts boiling. He is so angry. So betrayed that she would even think this thing. They been through hell and all for her, no way is he handing her over to be painted up and sold. (Small hand in his, as they danced, delicate and strong.) Bile in his throat at the thought of hard hands on her. (Ivory skin touched with frost, and the marks of dying bruises like pansies in snow.) Ain't nobody taking his little pilot away from him.

He's found something to believe in, in a pair of dark eyes, and a sweet smile to break your heart.

Doves, startled by the approaching tumult, take flight before him.

0000

Inara, sitting before the shrine, tries to order her mind.

The door opens with a controlled violence that tells her who it is, and her sharp retort dies on her lips.

She knows that he has found out. Despair and rage in his eyes.

_("I start fighting a war, I guarantee you'll see something new.")_

"So that's what this was? Some gorram honeytrap. Fancy food and music, and dressing River up like a beautiful little doll?"

"Are we going to have a discussion or a fight?"

"Neither. You ain't taking that little girl and making her a whore."

And there it is. In the open. Inara swallows her temper.

"I was offering her structure and stability, a place to live. I have no intention of...pandering a vulnerable young girl out to hire." She cannot believe he could think that of her. "We do not force to unwilling. That is abhorrent."

Mal, caught wrong-footed, gapes. But he's got a full mad on, now.

"You really think the Alliance won't come for her here?"

"The Guild is not without resources. And it will not tolerate mistreatment of its own. The last incursion here had...repercussions. Within these walls, she'll be safe."

"I can keep her safe." His crew. His responsibility. Mal Reynolds' one unshakable faith. "Just another prison." His eyes dismiss it. "You ain't taking her."

"You're not her father..."

"Her gorram father shipped her off to where a bunch of _hun dan_ doctors cut her brain up!"

"...What gives you the right to decide for her?"

"'Cos I'm doing it! And I don't see as how letting her grow up in a...whore-house is so shiny."

"It's a respectable career, Mal."

"Can't buy and sell love, Inara. Things in the 'Verse you shouldn't ever have to afford."

"It's got nothing to do with love."

"Then it's even worse. It's just lies and paint."

He despises everything that she is. They stare at each other.

"You don't see it, do you? My way of life, it's worthless to you." Takes a breath. "But this isn't about you. This is about offering a young girl a place to grow up in."

"She's got a place."

"I'm not sure letting her play at the controls..."

"Play?" Mal gives a bark of laughter. "You got no idea. Girl can already fly near as well as Wash ever did. She's my pilot."

"Is that a proper life for her?"

"It's the one she wants." He looks up at her from under his brows, and her heart turns over. "People choose that kind of life, 'Nara. Choose to come and live free."

She cannot reach him. Cannot reach out to him.

"You want me to give up everything for you. Everything that I am, everything that I have worked for. To do what? Keep your guns clean whilst you go off thieving? Hover outside the infirmary whilst Simon sorts out whatever has been shot, stabbed or sliced? None of my skills have a place in your world."

"You can fight. Seen you."

"I don't want to. I believe in peace and order and law, Mal."

"So make a place for yourself. River has. Doc has." Pause. "Gia has."

"They had no choice. And Gia...I want more from my life than to be some space pirate's doxy, however she dresses it up."

There is a moment of shocked silence between them. Inara can't believe that she just made that judgement. Neither can Mal.

"Nobody forced that woman to leave a community of good folk for him. An' if she hadn't, Jayne would have walked down that ramp after her."

"So could you leave _Serenity_ for me?"

Mal closes his eyes. They open, clear, sad and honest.

"You know that answer. Place is home and life, an' to more'n just me. An' what would I do?" Anger and disgust, reined in. "Live on your earnings? Sit about drinkin' tea like some pampered lapdog while you teach young girls how to break a man's spirit? I ain't a woman's plaything. Could have loved you, 'Nara. But I can't love what you do."

They aren't shouting any more. It's too bad for that. Words have finally torn down the defences between them, left a divide over which they stare. One 'verse. Two worlds.

He loves her beauty, her grace, her dry wit and calm intelligence, the sweetness of her smile.

She loves the unexpected nobility beneath the rogue, his quick humour and his aggravating charm.

But she's a whore. And he's a criminal. And there is no place for them to stand together.

"I can't be what you want me to be."

"I know that. But a man needs hope."

Some things you break, you can never repair...

A girl's mind. A man's spirit.

Trust.

0000

Crew are waiting, in attitudes of varying concern and watchfulness. Foremost amongst them, where his gaze goes first, River.

His face is tired, worn, his eyes full of hurt. But he manages a smile for her.

"Think we may have outstayed our welcome here, darlin'."

River bows her head.

"Need to say goodbye."

"Well, I'm waiting here, make sure you come out." He folds his arms.

0000

They look at each other. Even through despair and anger, Inara is still beautiful, unwilling to shed the tears which would betray her.

"I wanted to offer you a normal life..."

"Never been normal." River shakes her head. "Want to dance amongst the stars."

Inara still sees her as the girl who needs to be taken care of, the unpredictable quantity that needs to be contained and quantified. Ragged edges smoothed away. No complications.

But in a short span of time, the fractured girl has drawn her pieces together. There is a gravity to her glance, a mind behind it, no longer hiding in shards and shadows. She paces softly, lightly, hands touching the silken drapes, the lacquered wood, drifting amongst the candles...

"Keep death locked in a little velvet box, and only let it out to punish..."

Inara's eyes go wide.

"River, please put that down..."

River looks at the box in her hands.

"It's only an object. It has no power until you use it." Dark eyes are remote, watchful. "The object has no choice." Box turns between her fingers. Inara watches it. "Can choose to be a destroying angel. How do you return from that?"

"I...don't know."

"Then there is nothing here that you can teach me."

"I just wanted you to be safe, River."

Smile the girl gives her is tender, and wise beyond her years.

"Spread your wings, and still beat them against the bars. I choose to fly free." The little click as she puts the box down on the table is so very final. "Rather be his albatross than a soiled dove. Or a sitting duck."


	7. After Such Knowledge, What Forgiveness?

After Such Knowledge, What Forgiveness?

They understand each other.

"Have to tell him."

"Since when could you tell Mal anything?"

But she walks to the doorway with River. Mal doesn't look at her. He's talking to Ilargia...

"Their, whatdyacallit, autonomy, wouldn't be worth a damn, someone decides they can use River's talents. They'd just march right in. You can't defend this place." The walls are stone, but it is a place of courtyards and wide windows, doors of paper.

"They don't need to defend themselves with conventional weapons. And who exactly would they defend against? The Guild is Alliance. Why take what you can hire out? What were the Academy planning to do with River once they had finished whatever they were doing? I mean, you're looking for an assassin, who are you going to defend against? The big man with a gun? Or the little girl bowing and serving you tea?"

"But the Guild can't force a Companion to take a client..." Simon is still bewildered.

"What did they offer you, Dr Tam?"

The question seems irrelevant. Simon frowns, and then goes pale.

"A position at the hospital..."

"Puts you in easy reach. Guild can't force a Companion, but they might indicate that it would be healthier to obey."

"You seriously believe that the Guild would do such a thing?" Inara's tone holds despairing enquiry rather than anger. Ilargia looks at her, and understands.

"I believe that any organisation that spans the known 'verse so successfully is probably run by complete bastards. Or bitches, if you prefer. If I wanted to maintain, or even extend, power, I'd be absolutely frothing to get my hands on a psychic who could kill you with her toenails, and in a graceful fashion, too. Because I expect minds can be really open and relaxed at a certain juncture. Wouldn't even need the pillow talk."

"You got a nasty mind, Gia."

"Benefits of a Core education." she says, snidely. "We have some new players on the board."

"Oh, good." Mal grumbles. "'Cos we ain't got enough enemies."

Ilargia shakes her head.

"Going to be more busy fighting each other. The Military Council can't publicly acknowledge their project" (River gives a snarky curtsy) "so there's going to be a scramble for possession. One side's force, and the other is...persuasion."

"Told you the thunder knew." River spreads her arms, twirls. "Hawks and doves."

Inara bows her head.

"I never wanted to believe it, but I must." She can't look at Mal. She knows that the horror and loathing in his eyes will break her. "Take her, and run."

0000

She watches them leave. An awkward leave-taking. So nothing new there.

A tall man, brown hair blown in the wind, brown coat a badge of honour. He does not look back.

And beside him, a young woman. An unknown quantity. Matches his angry stride, but he slows for her as she scampers, and they walk up the ramp together.

"You are a fool."

Ruksha stands in the doorway, no longer serene. The girlish face has hardened. Inara draws herself up very straight.

"We do not take the unwilling. Not for any consideration."

"This is no longer a matter of choice. It is a matter of expediency. That girl is a weapon that we cannot allow to be turned against us."

Inara had hoped that her suspicions were wrong. That her faith, and her trust would not be so betrayed. But she is a clever woman, and she has never thought herself to be naive. She had hated being used as bait by the Operative. That had been degrading, that all she meant in the scheme of things was a way to trap Mal. To realise that she had been used so again was bitter.

But. She knows men well. Knows their strengths and weaknesses. She was taught by experts.

"Remember this, in the hour of your accounting. I have given up everything for the Guild."

Ruksha's eyes widen. Inara allows herself a small, cold smile.

"A proud man like Malcolm Reynolds cannot be driven. The man was a soldier, and a leader of men. His ship, his crew, his responsibility. Did you think he would tamely hand her over?"

"You asked him to do so."

"For her sake. But I would have fought to keep her here."

"You would have lost."

"But I would still have fought." She draws herself up. "She had the right of it. She chose not to be what others wished her to be." Cold anger in her. "I will not be used as bait again."

"He is unlikely to return..." The mean retort is bitten off as the realisation sinks in. "You sent him away with a lie."

"No. I sent him away with the truth." She puts her hands on the balcony rail, stares into the uncaring sky. "Broken hearts mend. Slowly, imperfectly, but they mend. My life is richer for having known him, but our paths divide here."

She, too, has found a cause to fight for. Her fight will not be in the dust and heat of border planets, waged with bullets. Hers will be a battle of hearts and minds. A chance to make things...different. Her next words are quiet, addressed to the absent.

"You told me to make a place for myself, Mal. Well, this is it. I refuse to believe that everything about the Alliance is bad. Perhaps here we can find a middle way, without violence or treachery."

The smile she gives is unpractised, a little crooked as she fights against tears, a little weary. And she is truly beautiful.

"We have a lot of work ahead of us."

She could have loved him. But she could not love what he does.

0000

Jayne, looking slightly furtive, strides quickly up the ramp with a bag over his shoulder.

"What you got in there?" Zoe isn't going to let him walk off with anything might be a problem. Jayne flips open the bag.

"Them birds was just sitting there in that tower, all pretty and useless."

Zoe smiles.

"So you walked in and took 'em."

"Nothin' to stop me." He grins back. "Pigeon pie."

"They're doves, Jayne."

He shrugs.

"If it ain't a hunting bird, then it's just a flying meal." Starts up the stairs. "Reckon we got more use for 'em."

0000

Simon stands on the ramp, looks back over a world. But he's not seeing the mountains, River knows.

"I just wondered if, one day, we could go...back."

"Why would I want to go back?" River shocks him. The question is sharp, looks for an answer. "Pretty doll. Tired of dancing at dinner parties. Talks of the bad things that we pretend aren't there. Make her sleep." Her head lolls suddenly, eyes glazed. "Poor little doll, let her sit in the sun and dream of stars. Push her chair out of the wind, and mind she doesn't spill tea on her dress." The tone is purely their mother's. Head snaps up again. "No place there. Except, " and her hand lashes out, stops against his neck, feather-light, "this."

The moment stretches, frozen time. Simon's eyes wide with shock.

"Made me a thing, Simon. Left jagged edges that don't fit the hole. Never be safe." Hand drops away, and suddenly, she's a girl again, small shoulders bony in an overlarge gown. "Don't want to dance for others."

"Oh, River..." Suddenly, he is tired. A young man a very long way from everything he knows or believed in.

"Think too much." She tells him, gently. "Just be. Here and now, we are alive."

It's something he has heard Gia say. He looks at the girl, no, the young woman in front of him.

"Was there nothing about our old life that you liked?"

Her hand laid flat over his heart.

"Have it right here, _ge-ge_." Her smile. "We're home, now."

Home. A battered old craft, crewed by misfits, fugitives and rebels. Living on the edge, a hard-scrapple existence. Digging out bullets, sewing up stab wounds. Reattaching ears. He has been tired, frightened, cold and hungry. Shot at, arrested. He's shot back, at people and those made less than people. Seen friends die.

Would he go back to Osiris, if he could?

Proper baths. Proper food. Proper beds. Dermal menders and cell imagers. Staff, so that he didn't have to sit up half the night trying to figure proper dosage, or worrying that the power might go out and ruin the plasma storage. Sitting at the dinner table, making polite small talk with his parents, as they tried to push him into his 'proper' place in society.

Proper. A word that hangs about his neck. Perhaps there are certain things he can leave behind.

"Don't have to start spitting on the floor and swearing." River's smile becomes a grin. "That's Jayne's job."

"He's a bad influence..."

"No, he's not." A little gesture, takes in the ship. "The place where we lived was never a home, and we couldn't learn about love there."

Jayne, big and crude, reaching down something in the kitchen for Gia, then witholding it until he's kissed. Zoe, cradling a plastic toy and watching the stars. Kaylee, head down in the engine, and muttering endearments when she thought no-one heard. The Captain, a man whose sheer stubborn idiocy keeps them flying when they should have crashed long before. And River, running her hand down the wall as one would pet an animal, barefoot and free.

"Don't forget the man in the white room. You deny the Lady Death, and she blesses you for it. Fight for them all." Kisses his cheek, quick and sure, dances away from him.

"Would you have left us, then?" Kaylee's voice is quiet, sad.

"No. Not you." He fumbles for his words, as ever. "I...wanted to be able to give you a home, Kaylee."

Kaylee stares at him. Then she smiles.

"Simon, we got a home. We got jobs, and them as care for us good as any kin."

Simon looks down into Kaylee's bright, eager little face, and feels suddenly humble. He's trying to make other people's decisions for them again. Of course this woman has a job every bit as important to her as his career was to him. He tries to explain himself.

"I know I'm not as good at this as I would like to be...I wanted somewhere for...us, where we could be...a family, perhaps..."

She stops him, with a gentle hand on his lips.

"You think that was all I bin wantin'? If I'd wanted nothin' more'n a ring an' babies, I'd've stopped with my folks. I wanted to do more than stay in one little town, mending engines that flew off and I never got to see the where." She could so easily be angry with him, if he didn't look so defeated. "I know it ain't the life you were wantin' , and I know I ain't the kinda girl, neither..."

"You're perfect." He stops her this time. "You know me, takes me forever to get a clue."

Kaylee laughs up at him.

"Way I reckon it, I was here first, so I'm carryin' you off."

"Kidnapped by a space-vixen." Simon shakes his head ruefully, and allows her to lead him up the ramp. Home.

0000

Jayne, bounding up the stairs to the kitchen, nearly runs down a weeping River.

"Gorram, girlie, you wanna get yourself flattened?"

River makes a sad, wailing noise, flings herself at him.

"Ruttin' hell." But the big hands are gentle as he gathers her up. "You gonna tell me what's wrong or are you gonna snivel on me?"

The sniffling into his shoulder indicates the last option. Jayne sighs; he figures this is a girl thing, so he carries his small soggy burden into the kitchen, and deposits River with his wife. What he can hear still don't make no sense, but Larji seems to be dealing with it.

"She can't leave herself behind, no matter how far she runs."

"You crying for her? Or him?" Ilargia puts an arm round her. "Welcome to the big bad world of grown-ups screwing up. Love makes no sense. Look at me and Jayne."

"Does make sense." River wipes her eyes. "You don't share. No triangles."

"Oh, sweetie." Ilargia doesn't laugh. "You've got it bad, haven't you?"

"Yes." River blows her nose. "Don't have a choice in this."

"I understand that. Now, wash your face and then go and fly his ship for him. Man's all in bits at the moment, and the Black seems to calm him some."

Jayne frowns after the girl, turns his scowl on his wife.

"So, what's really goin' on, darlin'?"

"It's a girl thing..."

"Don't treat me like dumb ol' Jayne. Everyone else does, an' I don't want you to go startin'." There's real worry there.

"Well...River's in love with the Captain..."

"Gorram. He's old enough to be her father."

"He's also a charming, funny and not exactly ugly war hero."

"We gonna tell 'Nara she's got a rival...gorram." Face changes. "Don't reckon she conjured on that when she lent River them pretties."

"That would be a fair bet." She catches his whoop of laughter, hand on his lips. "It's not funny, Jayne. Don't you dare go teasing that girl."

"I ain't in a hurry to die." He's quite sincere. "Doc ain't gonna like it, neither."

"Which is why you're not going to tell him." Jayne pouts slightly, but Ilargia puts her hand up, thumb stroking the scar, side of his mouth. "Jayne, love, I'm asking you not to. Please. We all have to live on a small ship, and it could get very uncomfortable. It's River's secret."

"Poor kid's had her enough of those." But Larji don't ever ask him for much. "I ain't gonna rat her out. Hell, I got sisters. I remember tormentin' 'em." He grins. "Does Mal know? I reckon not - man's got about as much sense as an egg, it comes to women."

It won't have occurred to Inara that she might have a rival - and it probably hasn't occurred to Mal, either. Yet.

She understands why River would have a crush on the Captain. It's understandable. She could have a crush on him, too, if it weren't for the undeniable hunk of husband pouting at her.

Jayne has stopped grumping, and wants to snuggle.

"River paints up real pretty."

"You'll have to start watching out for her dirtside."

"Li'l crazyboots can take care of herself."

"Physically, yes. But she's young. Remember what your sisters were like at that age?"

"Hmm." He opens both eyes fast. "Gorram. I'm tellin' Mal to lock her in her room until she's thirty."

0000

Mal feels...hollow. The anger has drained away, replaced by numbness.

"Could have had a phoenix to fly. I know Tiy asked."

River, back in her faded summer dress and scuffed boots. His little albatross. She smiles up at him.

"Kept the underwear." And hooks a finger at her throat, gives him a peek of satin and lace (and ivory skin.) Mal makes a small strangled noise and spins around. He can't be seeing that sort of thing. (River, in her box, a delicate orchid in snow.) She laughs at him, sits in her chair.

"Nobody else is ever going to decide what happens to this body." She promises softly. "Do we have a course, Captain?"

"Forward. Same way as always." He sets his jaw. "Can't go back."

"No." She agrees with him. "Can't go back."

_Credits: Robert Pirsig, Samuel Taylor Coleridge, Oscar Wilde, U2, Pink Floyd, Henrik Ibsen, T S Eliot_

_Nods to Frank Herbert and all the Wu xiu I've watched recently_

_Soundtrack: U2 'All That You Can't Leave Behind', Snow Patrol 'Eyes Open'_


End file.
